Work work work

Work is so ARGH!
The past 1 week has been tiring and today, felix sent me home and his mood..was so solemn, i found out that his work was just as shite as mine...

I emphatize how he felt but i was quite disappointed that he didnt want to share his woes with me.

I know that some people like to keep things to themselves but keeping them in is not healthy cos the people around you suffers and im someone close to him.

Im dreaming of striking 4D. Just enough for me to quit and relax for a month. so damn tired.
tired....
im looking forward to a good break..a good vacation with no restrains of worrying abt money and the expenditure.

i want to be free to do the things i want to be

09 July 2008

marks the end of a 14 month sweet relationship with my beloved darling.
it was a decision i made..whether its silly, impulsive or ridiculous, i believe that im starting to feel unhappy in this r/s.

He sobbed but my heart remains steely. I didnt care..all i wanted was out.
I never felt so strongly that he was the one for me.
I love him but i know...
he wont give up something for me
he wont be able to take care of my mom with me cos her condition is a long-term chronic illness
A R/S is not always abt fun-loving moments.. its about going through the thick and the thin...the thorny and the bitter moments in life.
i also hate to be lied upon..
and i reiterate..i do not want to be caught in the same spot i was 2 over years ago..
how time flies since my last r/s with my ex-bf


maybe to love someone, you have to set that someone free..

thats selfless love i believe...

I realised...

"You got to be rich to be insane
Losing your mind is not a luxury for the middle class "

I guess the entitlement/previledge is not mine to be insane..
Guess that losing my mind is not an option for me cos im really just middle class...

Going to bring nail polishes down for my mom..she's going to paint the other young patient's nails...she'll recover i know.

i love you mom despite all the angst brewing in me.. : )

The newspaper failed to come again. Whats going on?
Called the vendor but his mobile is off. Super Pissed...
Why is it that whenever my mom is not well, everything seems to go wrong?
The house starts to gather dust ; Coddie seems listless ; I am listless..

I visited my mom yesterday. She was finally willing to meet up with me.
She said that she wanted to check out by this week but thats really out of the question.
She seems fine ..her bahaviour seems fine but once she speaks, she talks about numerology, how she's going to get the contractor to do up the house, and when i say thats not going to happen, she's not coming home to this place cos she has to stay away from my dad, she started to be moody and angry and she asked me to shut up.

**shrug** going to see her daily is like subjecting myself to an emotional landmine.
I have to listen to her rant insensibly about buying 2 houses, about how A+ blood are extraordinary people with depression...and O+ are ordinary people...how thankfully my bf is more towards the aquarius side and not to the capricon as his birthday is borderline..as he might have 2 marriages..how i must not have children so that the mad genes can stop at my generation..

:(

i have to hear all these..how my dad tortured her..
I HAVE TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO HEAR ALL THESE

her friends didnt want to come visit..they are scared
my relatives may not want to visit..
my brother is overseas
and my dad cant come cos he is the root cause

HENCE THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON ME!

Im not very strong..i can feel it.
There's no support.. so many things to do.
mom has planted in me paranoia.. i feel insecure..i feel unhappy.. i feel over-burden..i feel that life is just unfair

but i must always know that there are people worse off than me..so thats how i console myself

why is my blog full of pessimism and complaints>

there's simply nothing good that i write about..