Friday, June 27, 2008
Precious illusions
Precious Illusions lyricsYou'll rescue me right?In the exact same way they never did..I'll be happy right?When your healing powers kick inYou'll complete me right?Then my life can finally beginI'll be worthy right?Only when you realize the gem I am?But this won't work now the way it once didAnd I won't keep it up even though I would love toOnce I know who I'm not then I'll know who I amBut I know I won't keep on playing the victimThese precious illusions in my head did not let me downWhen I was defenselessAnd parting with them is like parting with invisible best friendsThis ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armorThis pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like waterBut this won't work as well as the way it once didCuz I want to decide between survival and blissAnd though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I amBut I know I won't keep on playing the victimThese precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kidAnd parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friendI've spent so long firmly looking outside meI've spent so much time living in survival modeThis won't work now the way it once didCuz I want to deside between servival and blissNow I know who I'm notI don't I still don't know who I amBut I know I won't keep on playing the victomThese precious illusions in my head did not let me downWhen I was defenselessAnd parting with them is like parting with invisible best friendsThese precious illusions in my head did not let me downWhen I was a kidAnd parting with them is like parting with childhood best friends
How
does it feel to be disappointed?
does it feel to leave?
does it feel to have your heart broken?
disappointment cos you were not there for me at the bleakest point of my life where my tears were flowing infinitely..you left me walking alone with my dog...so aimlessly..you walked ahead without turning back..all i hoped for was your understanding and to be there for me..
im only human and all i hoped for was simply to feel ur warmth in a form of a hug?
to feel secure that everything would be alright.
let me recap..
yesterday.... just 1 call from you...
today...nil calls from you...
how terribly thoughtful. How terribly selfish of you!
my colleagues messages coming through my mobile..filled with concern..streamed in..
and yours?
does it feel to leave?
does it feel to have your heart broken?
disappointment cos you were not there for me at the bleakest point of my life where my tears were flowing infinitely..you left me walking alone with my dog...so aimlessly..you walked ahead without turning back..all i hoped for was your understanding and to be there for me..
im only human and all i hoped for was simply to feel ur warmth in a form of a hug?
to feel secure that everything would be alright.
let me recap..
yesterday.... just 1 call from you...
today...nil calls from you...
how terribly thoughtful. How terribly selfish of you!
my colleagues messages coming through my mobile..filled with concern..streamed in..
and yours?
The 9 major symptoms of a MAJOR DEPRESSION
How about that! Mom has all 9!
Signs and symptoms of major depression
The signs and symptoms of major depression may vary greatly among patients. Generally, there are nine primary symptoms of depression, which include:
Sad or depressed mood. The patient may experience profound sadness, anxiety, anger, irritability or apathy (lack of emotion). He or she may be pessimistic or discouraged and may experience crying spells or excessive emotional sensitivity.
Anhedonia. Reduction or loss of interest in activities the patient formerly found pleasurable, such as eating, sex, work, friends, hobbies and entertainment.
Significant change in appetite or weight. The patient may experience reduced or increased appetite or significant weight loss or gain.
Changes in sleep patterns. The patient may sleep too much (hypersomnia) or not enough (insomnia). The patient will often awaken early in the morning and have difficulty falling back asleep.
Physical or verbal activity. Patients may be agitated and anxious. They may wring their hands, pace or not be able to sit still. Conversely, patients may have sluggish movements or speech. There may be a pause before answering questions or starting actions. Patients may speak quietly or not be able to be heard. They may not speak except in response to a direct question or may become completely mute (not talking at all).
Fatigue and decreased energy level.
Self-worth. The patient may have feelings of worthlessness, self-reproach or excessive or inappropriate guilt.
Concentration. The patient may exhibit a diminished ability to think or concentrate.
Death thoughts. Patients may have recurrent thoughts of death and death wishes. They may think about committing suicide (suicidal ideation) or engage in suicidal actions. Patients may even attempt or complete suicide
Signs and symptoms of major depression
The signs and symptoms of major depression may vary greatly among patients. Generally, there are nine primary symptoms of depression, which include:
Sad or depressed mood. The patient may experience profound sadness, anxiety, anger, irritability or apathy (lack of emotion). He or she may be pessimistic or discouraged and may experience crying spells or excessive emotional sensitivity.
Anhedonia. Reduction or loss of interest in activities the patient formerly found pleasurable, such as eating, sex, work, friends, hobbies and entertainment.
Significant change in appetite or weight. The patient may experience reduced or increased appetite or significant weight loss or gain.
Changes in sleep patterns. The patient may sleep too much (hypersomnia) or not enough (insomnia). The patient will often awaken early in the morning and have difficulty falling back asleep.
Physical or verbal activity. Patients may be agitated and anxious. They may wring their hands, pace or not be able to sit still. Conversely, patients may have sluggish movements or speech. There may be a pause before answering questions or starting actions. Patients may speak quietly or not be able to be heard. They may not speak except in response to a direct question or may become completely mute (not talking at all).
Fatigue and decreased energy level.
Self-worth. The patient may have feelings of worthlessness, self-reproach or excessive or inappropriate guilt.
Concentration. The patient may exhibit a diminished ability to think or concentrate.
Death thoughts. Patients may have recurrent thoughts of death and death wishes. They may think about committing suicide (suicidal ideation) or engage in suicidal actions. Patients may even attempt or complete suicide
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Mommy be strong...
Please dont bail out on me. I miss having you with me. I want to spend my evenings chatting with you about work, my personal life and everything else under the sun. I dont want to lose you to depression again. Its been 11 long years and the motherly love i crave so much for vanished from my life just like that. Its been lonely... i trampled and stumbled through life without your cheer and warmth. You neglected me for 11 years.
Its been 1.5 months since you snapped out of your depression. Please dont let that be short lived and leave me again.
Coddie and i miss you very much.
I know the pain you're going through. So many uncountable contributing factors affecting your mental state of mind.
I need you to be strong, do not look back. Look forward and beyond with your children.
I see you sliding but i will try my best to give you a grip and nip this blooming depression in the bud.
Brought my mom to the polyclinic this afternoon and the doc simply prescribed panadol and diazepam for relaxant and said he does not have sleeping pills and when he knew my mom was depressed, he quickly chased us out of his clinic.
This doctor is so clinical that it makes me sick.
Im going to arrange an appointment with my mom's former psychiatrist @ mount elizabeth whereby i could get better medication for my mom to allow her to sleep
for the past 1 month, she has not slept . She has not slept more than 2 hours in a day
How on earth can a human body sustain such fatigue? and she works and works non-stop, overdoing things and tiring herself out so much that her body aches so bad today
Gave my mom a foot massage..
hugged her and comforted her whilst i was crying inside.
How i wish my brother was here with us in Singapore...he's never ever here with us and always abroad.
sometimes i wonder how strong i can be..
i feel so suicidal sometimes... im so tired..6 depressions in all...11 years in all...
Last night i cried non-stop..looked like a total wreck this morning
no amount of blusher "painted" on my cheecks could light up my drained drained so very drained face..
im so sorry to my colleagues who have to stand in and handle my cases.
mommy...be strong for me please.
you can ...
pull through...
Its been 1.5 months since you snapped out of your depression. Please dont let that be short lived and leave me again.
Coddie and i miss you very much.
I know the pain you're going through. So many uncountable contributing factors affecting your mental state of mind.
I need you to be strong, do not look back. Look forward and beyond with your children.
I see you sliding but i will try my best to give you a grip and nip this blooming depression in the bud.
Brought my mom to the polyclinic this afternoon and the doc simply prescribed panadol and diazepam for relaxant and said he does not have sleeping pills and when he knew my mom was depressed, he quickly chased us out of his clinic.
This doctor is so clinical that it makes me sick.
Im going to arrange an appointment with my mom's former psychiatrist @ mount elizabeth whereby i could get better medication for my mom to allow her to sleep
for the past 1 month, she has not slept . She has not slept more than 2 hours in a day
How on earth can a human body sustain such fatigue? and she works and works non-stop, overdoing things and tiring herself out so much that her body aches so bad today
Gave my mom a foot massage..
hugged her and comforted her whilst i was crying inside.
How i wish my brother was here with us in Singapore...he's never ever here with us and always abroad.
sometimes i wonder how strong i can be..
i feel so suicidal sometimes... im so tired..6 depressions in all...11 years in all...
Last night i cried non-stop..looked like a total wreck this morning
no amount of blusher "painted" on my cheecks could light up my drained drained so very drained face..
im so sorry to my colleagues who have to stand in and handle my cases.
mommy...be strong for me please.
you can ...
pull through...
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