i had a record breaking of bad horrid cases one after another...kind of felt like i "zha hu" in mahjong and hv to pay all. the unimaginable bad luck!
all cases arose from human error..complacent and ignorant handling of a department..
and the best bit! None of them were my cases but the escalation was highlighting my name in rainbow colours..i was seeing stars..talk abt wiping someone's ass's shite
i told my boss that i needed nt just a bunch of pomegranate leaves.. but i need a freaking POT!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Cycling on Deepavali - 27 Oct 08
Worked the morning half of the day till 1pm. The morning started a lil' chaotic. There was a power outage and our pcs cldnt start up and to top it all off, i forgot to bring my pursuath card!
me and my other colleague were like sitting ducks waiting to get shot by the calls coming in and the many emails to clear..totally hectic.
After work, munchkins came to get me to head to bukit timah for cycling with louis and alvin.
for the 1st time, we started off on a new trail - The Butterfly!
i seriously dont know how that name came abt. it was a gruelling 8-9 km route and the trail was littered with undergrowths, roots of all sizes and thickness and collapsed logs. i did the best i cld but maintaining my balance and hitting the roots perpendicular but you cant go too slow otherwise you either slip when u hit a root or you dont have enough gatherer momentum to propel you thru the logs.
and it started to rain when we were barely 1/3 way through. the trail was close to pitch darkness as the forests and trees were blocking out the light and when its pouring, its even darker and for awhile, it felt like night blindness was setting in on me as i cldnt see what was ahead of me.
louis told us to hurry and we heard some heavy footing noises which louis said cld be a crocodile as part of the trail was alongside the river..or quarry? in not sure but that swampy trail was on the same level and im sure it would definately flood during high tide.
after we completed the trail, there was thunder and lightning and louis and felix said since we're wet, might as well head into the bukit timah trail.
alvin and l looked at each other and **gulped**
"ZHEN DE MA..." and before i cld finish exclaiming, louis went boundering into the trail.
damn! i cant believe this...and we all headed in..
halfway thru, the rain stopped and we had a fun time in the trail..
after cycling, we were really muddy and we took a quick rinse at louis's shop and headed for dinner and drinks at mel's plc.
we ended the evening with happy chatter and a great ride!
me and my other colleague were like sitting ducks waiting to get shot by the calls coming in and the many emails to clear..totally hectic.
After work, munchkins came to get me to head to bukit timah for cycling with louis and alvin.
for the 1st time, we started off on a new trail - The Butterfly!
i seriously dont know how that name came abt. it was a gruelling 8-9 km route and the trail was littered with undergrowths, roots of all sizes and thickness and collapsed logs. i did the best i cld but maintaining my balance and hitting the roots perpendicular but you cant go too slow otherwise you either slip when u hit a root or you dont have enough gatherer momentum to propel you thru the logs.
and it started to rain when we were barely 1/3 way through. the trail was close to pitch darkness as the forests and trees were blocking out the light and when its pouring, its even darker and for awhile, it felt like night blindness was setting in on me as i cldnt see what was ahead of me.
louis told us to hurry and we heard some heavy footing noises which louis said cld be a crocodile as part of the trail was alongside the river..or quarry? in not sure but that swampy trail was on the same level and im sure it would definately flood during high tide.
after we completed the trail, there was thunder and lightning and louis and felix said since we're wet, might as well head into the bukit timah trail.
alvin and l looked at each other and **gulped**
"ZHEN DE MA..." and before i cld finish exclaiming, louis went boundering into the trail.
damn! i cant believe this...and we all headed in..
halfway thru, the rain stopped and we had a fun time in the trail..
after cycling, we were really muddy and we took a quick rinse at louis's shop and headed for dinner and drinks at mel's plc.
we ended the evening with happy chatter and a great ride!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
The aftermath
I forgot to post my post mortem of my cycling last week.
In a nutshell?
Louis and Viki said i had improved tremendously and boy not only did i bashed down, i went to the scorpion trail and led the pack!
I was smooth man...pretty happy with myself..**chuckle**
Now Louis say i could finally upgrade my bike!
Ahmad has a air shox to sell for 400 dollars
Mel has a specialized frame to sell for 150 dollars! cheap cheap but i didnt adore the colour...
that was no affinity...
SLX components for 900 dollars
hai~
i think to buy a full bike is better...and i think..a Specialized bike would satisfy my appetite for a new bike!
munchkin said he wants to own a specialized bike by 30...
im going to get it at 27..hahahahah
eat my dust!
In a nutshell?
Louis and Viki said i had improved tremendously and boy not only did i bashed down, i went to the scorpion trail and led the pack!
I was smooth man...pretty happy with myself..**chuckle**
Now Louis say i could finally upgrade my bike!
Ahmad has a air shox to sell for 400 dollars
Mel has a specialized frame to sell for 150 dollars! cheap cheap but i didnt adore the colour...
that was no affinity...
SLX components for 900 dollars
hai~
i think to buy a full bike is better...and i think..a Specialized bike would satisfy my appetite for a new bike!
munchkin said he wants to own a specialized bike by 30...
im going to get it at 27..hahahahah
eat my dust!
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Bukit Timah ..Anyone?
Im heading to bukit timah tom at 8:30am in the morning to meet up with Louis, viki and i think there's an alvin coming along.
Louis has always wanted to see how i fare on off trail since he brought me for my very 1st off trail cycling at ubin 1 year ago.
I feel a ted bit stress cos he's a hard man to please...
but! i do what i can safely and i wont bash downhill just to prove my worth.
safety first as always :)
Louis is going to do 2 laps with munchkins and i would do 1 lap and wait for them to return to head to the Scorpion trail.
i wish i cld afford a custom made bike from http://sevencycles.com
dream dream dream....
not if i strike toto or 4D! **sweetpea's face lights up!**
Louis has always wanted to see how i fare on off trail since he brought me for my very 1st off trail cycling at ubin 1 year ago.
I feel a ted bit stress cos he's a hard man to please...
but! i do what i can safely and i wont bash downhill just to prove my worth.
safety first as always :)
Louis is going to do 2 laps with munchkins and i would do 1 lap and wait for them to return to head to the Scorpion trail.
i wish i cld afford a custom made bike from http://sevencycles.com
dream dream dream....
not if i strike toto or 4D! **sweetpea's face lights up!**
Monday, October 13, 2008
Perth Sweet Perth - 3rd Oct - 10 Oct 08
Itinerary
3rd Oct: Took QF71 and landed at Perth International airport at 2:30 pm. We headed to Bayswater to pick up our car - a new Toyota Corolla Hatch at AUD 231 for 7 days. Cheap Cheap! We proceeded to drive to our service apartment at Scarborough beach - All Seasons Observation Rise apartment. Our apartment is a fully self contained apt with a living room, kitchen with all crockery and utensils, bathroom with a jacuzzi bathtub, laundry and dry cleaning machine, tv and aircon! lovely for an even lovlier price of SGD 60 per night. Thanks to the welfare benefits from the Police Force. Its balcony overlooks the unspoiled white sands of Scarborough beavch and the blue waters of the Indian Ocean. We had dinner at Ciao! Italia with Jane and Matt. We waited in the freezing cold for a table but the dinner was worth the wait. We had seafood risotto, chicken pasta, pizza..yummieee
darling then drove me to King's park to look at the city lights at night and to see if we cld see any steam rising in the cars parked along side the road..hehehe
4 Oct: We went for breakfast at Crown Caffi for breakfast and it was fantastic..its a quaint french bakery and we went to Fremantle for shopping and to walk around the fremantle market. Nothing much in the market but we had a mushroom and cheese crepe and bought some groceries for salad making at home. Went home to change for the Perth Royal show.As we reached the fair at 6pm, all the animal shows, cake making competitions were all over and we had to content with a warehouse filled with smellieee farm animals..and the show bags were boring..laden with tidbits and munchies and kiddish stuffs..disappointing..i was hoping to buy like olive oil, jams..or their local produce.. :( waited in the freezing cold to watch the fireworks at 9pm and there was no food to eat except all the fried unhealthy food. Before the fireworks came on, there was a cowboy show and truckers doing their stuffs..fireworks were amazing and for a moment i cringed and hid under felix's arm...i thought they were going to land on me..thats how spectacularly closed it seemed.
5 Oct: Met jane and matt for dim sum lunch at dragon palace. i had this amazing bun with sweet egg yolk inside and the ha kau had 4-5 shrimps in a ball! the proportion of the ha kau is like double the size of our local ha kau. we later walked around perth city..nothing to buy. Had fish and chips at cicerello's along fremantle harbour and went to the dog park for a stroll. Felix was talking abt Benji, browne's friend and behold...benji was having his evening stroll. what a coincidence..The dog park was huge! its like the size of 3 football fields or maybe even bigger! and the grass was well kept - carpet grass i think and it was clean!
compare to singapore's parks..what a disgrace..our parks are filthy with trash and riddled with poo..ewwwww....and the dog parks had stacks of dog bags to encourge dog owners to pick up after their dogs immediately after their business but in singapore, the dog bags would be gone cos the locals would take the whole stack and bring it home to pack their groceries or whatever..singaporean's mentality is not one of consideration and i had witnessed this many times and now there's no more bags refilled anymore. I wished coddie was here to interact with the other dogs and running around enjoying the cool weather. singapore is so HOT!!
6 Oct: We headed to The blue duck for lunch. The meal wasnt cheap neither was it enjoyable. we had Seafood Meze and a four seasons pizza. the Olives in one of the quarters were too salty and the leeks were in chunks and salty too...After lunch, we headed to Subiaco for shopping . nothing much again..we went to the bank and darling has 500 AUD in an unmaintained investment a/c. not bad! so we decided to leave it in there to enjoyable the high variable interest rates in the bank. We finally found the Thule pro-rider bicycle racks and bought 2.. we saved 60 on each ..good savings!
7 Oct: Instead of heading to Margaret River, which the locals think its too touristy, we drove to Swan Valley - wine tasting, chocolate factory, sitella's vineyard for lunch and we had jap food at Zen - subiaco
8 Oct: Made breakfast at home - vegetable soup, tuna fried with tomatos and onions on toast and noodles. Darling asked if i wanted to cycle today and i said " why not! we brought our helmets and cycling jerseys.. hence we head down to About hire and commenced our mini tour de france cycling of 55 km from perth city to freo and back. There were so many uphill climbs but the journey was amazing..we cycled around swan river and had beautiful views at the top and when i looked at the distance we covered from above, my jaw dropped..it was unbelivable..far..hehehe
Met Kate and Hannah Fitch for dinner at Clancy's fish pub.
9 Oct: went to murdoch uni to buy a car bumper sticker but they dont have that anymore. the students at murdoch are culturally diversified and the atmosphere was relaxing.
you have students having a drink at this alfresco cafe which felix said was new and students sprawled across the lawn enjoying the sun rays and reading a book with music booming from a truck.. in the middle of the school compound.
went shopping at fremantle- subway dc and city garden - crush
40% off G star jeans! whooopie
Had dinner at little creatures. very nice concept of a warehouse turned brewery and restaurent.
10 Oct: packed all our luggages and headed to corica to buy to apple strudel and headed to the airport.
All in all, i had a very rnr holiday. we woke up late and did things leisurely..we didnt have a schedule and we simply chilled.
we're back in singapore and still happily together. it was a great trip away from singapore.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Nooo Noo Nooo Noooo..
Thats how we communicate to Browne : ) he'll tilt his head left and right when you say "nooooo noooo noooooo nooooo" with a rhythm
As usual, i had a crazy week of emails at work..im sorry pei en..i didnt help u with a single case in your basket. I cant even complete my own work either. I am very proud of rachell and myself. We both persevered through a 2 woman team when the usual is 3-4.
Thank you for your committment.
On Friday, i was supposed to head for Jasmine's and sky's wedding at Sentosa..but...i couldnt finish my work and it was already 8pm and Suntec is definately the last plc u want to be at when u're rushing to get a venue..people were descending down to suntec and people just congested the streets and i cldnt make my way to the mrt when everywhere is barricaded..the F1 cars were having a race practice and it was deafening!!!
I met angie and she gave me a free walkabout ticket as she was rushing for her son's birthday.
It was an experience i tell you.. although the cars were whizzing past and my ears were ringing , the atmosphere of excitement was contagious .
I tore myself away and trudged back to the office..
After work, i went to Rachell's farewell party..we walked from city link to Butter..thank goodness im in my 1.5 inch heels..phew...
we were all perspiring when we reach our destination..
It was my 1st time meeting up with my fellow colleagues from UBS for a yum seng session..glad that i was given this opportunity to bond with them. I had a Bagel and orange juice for dinner and that was not enough for my tummy and i ended up with a severe bout of gastric the following day after that round of drinks.
I vomited out so much gastric juice on saturday morning and the acid was burning my stomach lining and my poor baby had to forego cycling and take care of me the whole day. i couldnt eat nor drink water.
i felt so disappointed with myself..why didnt i take care of myself..the suffering was certainly not worth it
Its probably a good idea not to even drink at all.
Went to chapter2cycle at amk ave 10..a lil' disappointed with their bikes...their website was much more impressive
they carry mainly cube and avanti but they can ship in some models but thats gonna cost u more than buying directly fr the distributor.
Im just going to buy a hardtail. Found out that full sus bikes are not really good for intensive off trail cos its heavy - bad for up slope climbing and no doubt the sus covers the shocks at the rear , and gives stability, i think hardtail wld be more enjoyable.
maybe cos i dont have enough money to splash..hehehee
oh my god, im finally going on leave on wednesday and wont be back to work till 2 weeks later..whoopie
guess what...
my neighbour's son hung himself in his room at the 26th Sept ..
the worse thing? his room is next to my room..
fantastic! i didnt dare to sleep last night and i had to beg my mom to sleep with me
i cant believe he's gone just like that.
he's the same age as me..good looking and fit..blah blah..very mysterious cos he doesnt speak and i always find him outside his house smoking with a can of beer
but i often wonder what cld have made him undertake such a drastic measure as in to end his life like this
he wasnt ill..his family seems cohesive..
and i just saw him at gardens coffee shop on the 25th!
im still reeling from his death and i just cant believe that he's gone..
life is so transient..
whatever it is...i hope he's at peace
As usual, i had a crazy week of emails at work..im sorry pei en..i didnt help u with a single case in your basket. I cant even complete my own work either. I am very proud of rachell and myself. We both persevered through a 2 woman team when the usual is 3-4.
Thank you for your committment.
On Friday, i was supposed to head for Jasmine's and sky's wedding at Sentosa..but...i couldnt finish my work and it was already 8pm and Suntec is definately the last plc u want to be at when u're rushing to get a venue..people were descending down to suntec and people just congested the streets and i cldnt make my way to the mrt when everywhere is barricaded..the F1 cars were having a race practice and it was deafening!!!
I met angie and she gave me a free walkabout ticket as she was rushing for her son's birthday.
It was an experience i tell you.. although the cars were whizzing past and my ears were ringing , the atmosphere of excitement was contagious .
I tore myself away and trudged back to the office..
After work, i went to Rachell's farewell party..we walked from city link to Butter..thank goodness im in my 1.5 inch heels..phew...
we were all perspiring when we reach our destination..
It was my 1st time meeting up with my fellow colleagues from UBS for a yum seng session..glad that i was given this opportunity to bond with them. I had a Bagel and orange juice for dinner and that was not enough for my tummy and i ended up with a severe bout of gastric the following day after that round of drinks.
I vomited out so much gastric juice on saturday morning and the acid was burning my stomach lining and my poor baby had to forego cycling and take care of me the whole day. i couldnt eat nor drink water.
i felt so disappointed with myself..why didnt i take care of myself..the suffering was certainly not worth it
Its probably a good idea not to even drink at all.
Went to chapter2cycle at amk ave 10..a lil' disappointed with their bikes...their website was much more impressive
they carry mainly cube and avanti but they can ship in some models but thats gonna cost u more than buying directly fr the distributor.
Im just going to buy a hardtail. Found out that full sus bikes are not really good for intensive off trail cos its heavy - bad for up slope climbing and no doubt the sus covers the shocks at the rear , and gives stability, i think hardtail wld be more enjoyable.
maybe cos i dont have enough money to splash..hehehee
oh my god, im finally going on leave on wednesday and wont be back to work till 2 weeks later..whoopie
guess what...
my neighbour's son hung himself in his room at the 26th Sept ..
the worse thing? his room is next to my room..
fantastic! i didnt dare to sleep last night and i had to beg my mom to sleep with me
i cant believe he's gone just like that.
he's the same age as me..good looking and fit..blah blah..very mysterious cos he doesnt speak and i always find him outside his house smoking with a can of beer
but i often wonder what cld have made him undertake such a drastic measure as in to end his life like this
he wasnt ill..his family seems cohesive..
and i just saw him at gardens coffee shop on the 25th!
im still reeling from his death and i just cant believe that he's gone..
life is so transient..
whatever it is...i hope he's at peace
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
I want any of these BIKES!
CANNONDALE - RIZE 4
http://www.cannondale.com/bikes/09/cusa/model-9VT4.html
http://www.cannondale.com/bikes/09/cusa/model-9VT4.html
STUMPJUMPER FSR COMP WOMEN'S
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Scattered thoughts
weekend is over again! and i did absolutely nothing today. i just ate and laze..
and now im dreading to turn in..cos that would be the end to my weekend and it would be hello! again dreadful work
i should be feeling fortunate that i still have a job .. the banking sector is truely unpredictable and we know nought which is the next bank to be X-ed! as long as the credit/mortgage crisis in US does not stabilize, the banks are going to face further write downs and how much buffer does a bank have to counter?
The job market is so bad right now.. there's now a flux of bankers and a freeze to most bank's headcount. A recession is on the cards and i wonder whats going to happen...
i definately cant be without a job.
i have too many obligations and i thought i could finally start saving for my future when my bonus comes in..tough luck i guess..
Coddie is sleeping on my bed with me tonight...as she lay beside me , i put my arm under her head and whispered into her ear.."remember? this was how i hugged u to sleep when u were a puppy"..
i love her..and she just turned 7 human years on sept 15. large breed dog normally has a shorter life span than small dogs..and its an average span of 10years..which means coddie foddy doddie only has 3 yrs to go...**bawL**
no no..coddie is chang ming bai sui!
i signed up for standard chartered's half marathon..what did i get myself into!!!!
i could have done 10km..why on earth did i sign up for 21km!
i guess i wanted a challenge..but i think im just going to puncture..
oh no...i dont have a right frame of mind and positivity for this..shucks!
i ran 3 km on wed and 6 km on thurs..and that thurs, i almost "pun chek"!
Sat was gooood...i went to Bukit Timah to do my off trail cycling with darling!
he got a flat halfway through..thank god we had a spare tube and anyhow the hole of the tube was too big to patch..that must have been a hard bash on a rock when he went down hill..
okay..its 12 midnight now...i have to get some shut eye..
another week of emails...
and now im dreading to turn in..cos that would be the end to my weekend and it would be hello! again dreadful work
i should be feeling fortunate that i still have a job .. the banking sector is truely unpredictable and we know nought which is the next bank to be X-ed! as long as the credit/mortgage crisis in US does not stabilize, the banks are going to face further write downs and how much buffer does a bank have to counter?
The job market is so bad right now.. there's now a flux of bankers and a freeze to most bank's headcount. A recession is on the cards and i wonder whats going to happen...
i definately cant be without a job.
i have too many obligations and i thought i could finally start saving for my future when my bonus comes in..tough luck i guess..
Coddie is sleeping on my bed with me tonight...as she lay beside me , i put my arm under her head and whispered into her ear.."remember? this was how i hugged u to sleep when u were a puppy"..
i love her..and she just turned 7 human years on sept 15. large breed dog normally has a shorter life span than small dogs..and its an average span of 10years..which means coddie foddy doddie only has 3 yrs to go...**bawL**
no no..coddie is chang ming bai sui!
i signed up for standard chartered's half marathon..what did i get myself into!!!!
i could have done 10km..why on earth did i sign up for 21km!
i guess i wanted a challenge..but i think im just going to puncture..
oh no...i dont have a right frame of mind and positivity for this..shucks!
i ran 3 km on wed and 6 km on thurs..and that thurs, i almost "pun chek"!
Sat was gooood...i went to Bukit Timah to do my off trail cycling with darling!
he got a flat halfway through..thank god we had a spare tube and anyhow the hole of the tube was too big to patch..that must have been a hard bash on a rock when he went down hill..
okay..its 12 midnight now...i have to get some shut eye..
another week of emails...
Friday, August 8, 2008
08.08.08
tonight is the toto draw of 8.8 mio!
know what i like about it?
By buying a ticket, it entitles me that tinnnnny probability of striking... and that alone gives me the right to dream....
although my bf who is the wettest blanket in this bloody plc called earth, he said.. so what!
even if you struck! you would be sharing the big price with countless people...
ARGH!
SUCH A WETTIE HE IS!
anyhow...what will i do if i struck the jackpot?
1. i would not quit my job..**chuckle** although i dream of slapping the resignation letter across her face..haw haw..im kidding..hell ya! of course i'll quit my job!
2. i will buy a nice house for my parents to retire in...no more rentals anymore..maybe felix's parents can stay with my parents.. : ) with Coddie and mister browne
3. i will buy a house in the east...a pad to call my own. of course felix can stay..haha
4. i would build a school in myanmar...let those improverish kids have a chance to study and learn what the outside world is really like..impart them knowledge and give them confidence to leave to seek greener pastures...
5. oh oh..travel! definately ! i want to travel for 3 months at least...without a care in the world...
the rest of the monies would be placed in good blue chips and safe investments
im adverse risk :)
know what i like about it?
By buying a ticket, it entitles me that tinnnnny probability of striking... and that alone gives me the right to dream....
although my bf who is the wettest blanket in this bloody plc called earth, he said.. so what!
even if you struck! you would be sharing the big price with countless people...
ARGH!
SUCH A WETTIE HE IS!
anyhow...what will i do if i struck the jackpot?
1. i would not quit my job..**chuckle** although i dream of slapping the resignation letter across her face..haw haw..im kidding..hell ya! of course i'll quit my job!
2. i will buy a nice house for my parents to retire in...no more rentals anymore..maybe felix's parents can stay with my parents.. : ) with Coddie and mister browne
3. i will buy a house in the east...a pad to call my own. of course felix can stay..haha
4. i would build a school in myanmar...let those improverish kids have a chance to study and learn what the outside world is really like..impart them knowledge and give them confidence to leave to seek greener pastures...
5. oh oh..travel! definately ! i want to travel for 3 months at least...without a care in the world...
the rest of the monies would be placed in good blue chips and safe investments
im adverse risk :)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Work work work
Work is so ARGH!
The past 1 week has been tiring and today, felix sent me home and his mood..was so solemn, i found out that his work was just as shite as mine...
I emphatize how he felt but i was quite disappointed that he didnt want to share his woes with me.
I know that some people like to keep things to themselves but keeping them in is not healthy cos the people around you suffers and im someone close to him.
Im dreaming of striking 4D. Just enough for me to quit and relax for a month. so damn tired.
tired....
im looking forward to a good break..a good vacation with no restrains of worrying abt money and the expenditure.
i want to be free to do the things i want to be
The past 1 week has been tiring and today, felix sent me home and his mood..was so solemn, i found out that his work was just as shite as mine...
I emphatize how he felt but i was quite disappointed that he didnt want to share his woes with me.
I know that some people like to keep things to themselves but keeping them in is not healthy cos the people around you suffers and im someone close to him.
Im dreaming of striking 4D. Just enough for me to quit and relax for a month. so damn tired.
tired....
im looking forward to a good break..a good vacation with no restrains of worrying abt money and the expenditure.
i want to be free to do the things i want to be
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
09 July 2008
marks the end of a 14 month sweet relationship with my beloved darling.
it was a decision i made..whether its silly, impulsive or ridiculous, i believe that im starting to feel unhappy in this r/s.
He sobbed but my heart remains steely. I didnt care..all i wanted was out.
I never felt so strongly that he was the one for me.
I love him but i know...
he wont give up something for me
he wont be able to take care of my mom with me cos her condition is a long-term chronic illness
A R/S is not always abt fun-loving moments.. its about going through the thick and the thin...the thorny and the bitter moments in life.
i also hate to be lied upon..
and i reiterate..i do not want to be caught in the same spot i was 2 over years ago..
how time flies since my last r/s with my ex-bf
maybe to love someone, you have to set that someone free..
thats selfless love i believe...
it was a decision i made..whether its silly, impulsive or ridiculous, i believe that im starting to feel unhappy in this r/s.
He sobbed but my heart remains steely. I didnt care..all i wanted was out.
I never felt so strongly that he was the one for me.
I love him but i know...
he wont give up something for me
he wont be able to take care of my mom with me cos her condition is a long-term chronic illness
A R/S is not always abt fun-loving moments.. its about going through the thick and the thin...the thorny and the bitter moments in life.
i also hate to be lied upon..
and i reiterate..i do not want to be caught in the same spot i was 2 over years ago..
how time flies since my last r/s with my ex-bf
maybe to love someone, you have to set that someone free..
thats selfless love i believe...
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
I realised...
"You got to be rich to be insane
Losing your mind is not a luxury for the middle class "
I guess the entitlement/previledge is not mine to be insane..
Guess that losing my mind is not an option for me cos im really just middle class...
Going to bring nail polishes down for my mom..she's going to paint the other young patient's nails...she'll recover i know.
i love you mom despite all the angst brewing in me.. : )
Losing your mind is not a luxury for the middle class "
I guess the entitlement/previledge is not mine to be insane..
Guess that losing my mind is not an option for me cos im really just middle class...
Going to bring nail polishes down for my mom..she's going to paint the other young patient's nails...she'll recover i know.
i love you mom despite all the angst brewing in me.. : )
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
The newspaper failed to come again. Whats going on?
Called the vendor but his mobile is off. Super Pissed...
Why is it that whenever my mom is not well, everything seems to go wrong?
The house starts to gather dust ; Coddie seems listless ; I am listless..
I visited my mom yesterday. She was finally willing to meet up with me.
She said that she wanted to check out by this week but thats really out of the question.
She seems fine ..her bahaviour seems fine but once she speaks, she talks about numerology, how she's going to get the contractor to do up the house, and when i say thats not going to happen, she's not coming home to this place cos she has to stay away from my dad, she started to be moody and angry and she asked me to shut up.
**shrug** going to see her daily is like subjecting myself to an emotional landmine.
I have to listen to her rant insensibly about buying 2 houses, about how A+ blood are extraordinary people with depression...and O+ are ordinary people...how thankfully my bf is more towards the aquarius side and not to the capricon as his birthday is borderline..as he might have 2 marriages..how i must not have children so that the mad genes can stop at my generation..
:(
i have to hear all these..how my dad tortured her..
I HAVE TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO HEAR ALL THESE
her friends didnt want to come visit..they are scared
my relatives may not want to visit..
my brother is overseas
and my dad cant come cos he is the root cause
HENCE THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON ME!
Im not very strong..i can feel it.
There's no support.. so many things to do.
mom has planted in me paranoia.. i feel insecure..i feel unhappy.. i feel over-burden..i feel that life is just unfair
but i must always know that there are people worse off than me..so thats how i console myself
why is my blog full of pessimism and complaints>
there's simply nothing good that i write about..
Called the vendor but his mobile is off. Super Pissed...
Why is it that whenever my mom is not well, everything seems to go wrong?
The house starts to gather dust ; Coddie seems listless ; I am listless..
I visited my mom yesterday. She was finally willing to meet up with me.
She said that she wanted to check out by this week but thats really out of the question.
She seems fine ..her bahaviour seems fine but once she speaks, she talks about numerology, how she's going to get the contractor to do up the house, and when i say thats not going to happen, she's not coming home to this place cos she has to stay away from my dad, she started to be moody and angry and she asked me to shut up.
**shrug** going to see her daily is like subjecting myself to an emotional landmine.
I have to listen to her rant insensibly about buying 2 houses, about how A+ blood are extraordinary people with depression...and O+ are ordinary people...how thankfully my bf is more towards the aquarius side and not to the capricon as his birthday is borderline..as he might have 2 marriages..how i must not have children so that the mad genes can stop at my generation..
:(
i have to hear all these..how my dad tortured her..
I HAVE TO BE THE ONLY ONE TO HEAR ALL THESE
her friends didnt want to come visit..they are scared
my relatives may not want to visit..
my brother is overseas
and my dad cant come cos he is the root cause
HENCE THERE'S ONLY ONE PERSON ME!
Im not very strong..i can feel it.
There's no support.. so many things to do.
mom has planted in me paranoia.. i feel insecure..i feel unhappy.. i feel over-burden..i feel that life is just unfair
but i must always know that there are people worse off than me..so thats how i console myself
why is my blog full of pessimism and complaints>
there's simply nothing good that i write about..
Friday, June 27, 2008
Precious illusions
Precious Illusions lyricsYou'll rescue me right?In the exact same way they never did..I'll be happy right?When your healing powers kick inYou'll complete me right?Then my life can finally beginI'll be worthy right?Only when you realize the gem I am?But this won't work now the way it once didAnd I won't keep it up even though I would love toOnce I know who I'm not then I'll know who I amBut I know I won't keep on playing the victimThese precious illusions in my head did not let me downWhen I was defenselessAnd parting with them is like parting with invisible best friendsThis ring will help me yet as will you knight in shining armorThis pill will help me yet as will these boys gone through like waterBut this won't work as well as the way it once didCuz I want to decide between survival and blissAnd though I know who I'm not I still don't know who I amBut I know I won't keep on playing the victimThese precious illusions in my head did not let me down when I was a kidAnd parting with them is like parting with a childhood best friendI've spent so long firmly looking outside meI've spent so much time living in survival modeThis won't work now the way it once didCuz I want to deside between servival and blissNow I know who I'm notI don't I still don't know who I amBut I know I won't keep on playing the victomThese precious illusions in my head did not let me downWhen I was defenselessAnd parting with them is like parting with invisible best friendsThese precious illusions in my head did not let me downWhen I was a kidAnd parting with them is like parting with childhood best friends
How
does it feel to be disappointed?
does it feel to leave?
does it feel to have your heart broken?
disappointment cos you were not there for me at the bleakest point of my life where my tears were flowing infinitely..you left me walking alone with my dog...so aimlessly..you walked ahead without turning back..all i hoped for was your understanding and to be there for me..
im only human and all i hoped for was simply to feel ur warmth in a form of a hug?
to feel secure that everything would be alright.
let me recap..
yesterday.... just 1 call from you...
today...nil calls from you...
how terribly thoughtful. How terribly selfish of you!
my colleagues messages coming through my mobile..filled with concern..streamed in..
and yours?
does it feel to leave?
does it feel to have your heart broken?
disappointment cos you were not there for me at the bleakest point of my life where my tears were flowing infinitely..you left me walking alone with my dog...so aimlessly..you walked ahead without turning back..all i hoped for was your understanding and to be there for me..
im only human and all i hoped for was simply to feel ur warmth in a form of a hug?
to feel secure that everything would be alright.
let me recap..
yesterday.... just 1 call from you...
today...nil calls from you...
how terribly thoughtful. How terribly selfish of you!
my colleagues messages coming through my mobile..filled with concern..streamed in..
and yours?
The 9 major symptoms of a MAJOR DEPRESSION
How about that! Mom has all 9!
Signs and symptoms of major depression
The signs and symptoms of major depression may vary greatly among patients. Generally, there are nine primary symptoms of depression, which include:
Sad or depressed mood. The patient may experience profound sadness, anxiety, anger, irritability or apathy (lack of emotion). He or she may be pessimistic or discouraged and may experience crying spells or excessive emotional sensitivity.
Anhedonia. Reduction or loss of interest in activities the patient formerly found pleasurable, such as eating, sex, work, friends, hobbies and entertainment.
Significant change in appetite or weight. The patient may experience reduced or increased appetite or significant weight loss or gain.
Changes in sleep patterns. The patient may sleep too much (hypersomnia) or not enough (insomnia). The patient will often awaken early in the morning and have difficulty falling back asleep.
Physical or verbal activity. Patients may be agitated and anxious. They may wring their hands, pace or not be able to sit still. Conversely, patients may have sluggish movements or speech. There may be a pause before answering questions or starting actions. Patients may speak quietly or not be able to be heard. They may not speak except in response to a direct question or may become completely mute (not talking at all).
Fatigue and decreased energy level.
Self-worth. The patient may have feelings of worthlessness, self-reproach or excessive or inappropriate guilt.
Concentration. The patient may exhibit a diminished ability to think or concentrate.
Death thoughts. Patients may have recurrent thoughts of death and death wishes. They may think about committing suicide (suicidal ideation) or engage in suicidal actions. Patients may even attempt or complete suicide
Signs and symptoms of major depression
The signs and symptoms of major depression may vary greatly among patients. Generally, there are nine primary symptoms of depression, which include:
Sad or depressed mood. The patient may experience profound sadness, anxiety, anger, irritability or apathy (lack of emotion). He or she may be pessimistic or discouraged and may experience crying spells or excessive emotional sensitivity.
Anhedonia. Reduction or loss of interest in activities the patient formerly found pleasurable, such as eating, sex, work, friends, hobbies and entertainment.
Significant change in appetite or weight. The patient may experience reduced or increased appetite or significant weight loss or gain.
Changes in sleep patterns. The patient may sleep too much (hypersomnia) or not enough (insomnia). The patient will often awaken early in the morning and have difficulty falling back asleep.
Physical or verbal activity. Patients may be agitated and anxious. They may wring their hands, pace or not be able to sit still. Conversely, patients may have sluggish movements or speech. There may be a pause before answering questions or starting actions. Patients may speak quietly or not be able to be heard. They may not speak except in response to a direct question or may become completely mute (not talking at all).
Fatigue and decreased energy level.
Self-worth. The patient may have feelings of worthlessness, self-reproach or excessive or inappropriate guilt.
Concentration. The patient may exhibit a diminished ability to think or concentrate.
Death thoughts. Patients may have recurrent thoughts of death and death wishes. They may think about committing suicide (suicidal ideation) or engage in suicidal actions. Patients may even attempt or complete suicide
Thursday, June 26, 2008
Mommy be strong...
Please dont bail out on me. I miss having you with me. I want to spend my evenings chatting with you about work, my personal life and everything else under the sun. I dont want to lose you to depression again. Its been 11 long years and the motherly love i crave so much for vanished from my life just like that. Its been lonely... i trampled and stumbled through life without your cheer and warmth. You neglected me for 11 years.
Its been 1.5 months since you snapped out of your depression. Please dont let that be short lived and leave me again.
Coddie and i miss you very much.
I know the pain you're going through. So many uncountable contributing factors affecting your mental state of mind.
I need you to be strong, do not look back. Look forward and beyond with your children.
I see you sliding but i will try my best to give you a grip and nip this blooming depression in the bud.
Brought my mom to the polyclinic this afternoon and the doc simply prescribed panadol and diazepam for relaxant and said he does not have sleeping pills and when he knew my mom was depressed, he quickly chased us out of his clinic.
This doctor is so clinical that it makes me sick.
Im going to arrange an appointment with my mom's former psychiatrist @ mount elizabeth whereby i could get better medication for my mom to allow her to sleep
for the past 1 month, she has not slept . She has not slept more than 2 hours in a day
How on earth can a human body sustain such fatigue? and she works and works non-stop, overdoing things and tiring herself out so much that her body aches so bad today
Gave my mom a foot massage..
hugged her and comforted her whilst i was crying inside.
How i wish my brother was here with us in Singapore...he's never ever here with us and always abroad.
sometimes i wonder how strong i can be..
i feel so suicidal sometimes... im so tired..6 depressions in all...11 years in all...
Last night i cried non-stop..looked like a total wreck this morning
no amount of blusher "painted" on my cheecks could light up my drained drained so very drained face..
im so sorry to my colleagues who have to stand in and handle my cases.
mommy...be strong for me please.
you can ...
pull through...
Its been 1.5 months since you snapped out of your depression. Please dont let that be short lived and leave me again.
Coddie and i miss you very much.
I know the pain you're going through. So many uncountable contributing factors affecting your mental state of mind.
I need you to be strong, do not look back. Look forward and beyond with your children.
I see you sliding but i will try my best to give you a grip and nip this blooming depression in the bud.
Brought my mom to the polyclinic this afternoon and the doc simply prescribed panadol and diazepam for relaxant and said he does not have sleeping pills and when he knew my mom was depressed, he quickly chased us out of his clinic.
This doctor is so clinical that it makes me sick.
Im going to arrange an appointment with my mom's former psychiatrist @ mount elizabeth whereby i could get better medication for my mom to allow her to sleep
for the past 1 month, she has not slept . She has not slept more than 2 hours in a day
How on earth can a human body sustain such fatigue? and she works and works non-stop, overdoing things and tiring herself out so much that her body aches so bad today
Gave my mom a foot massage..
hugged her and comforted her whilst i was crying inside.
How i wish my brother was here with us in Singapore...he's never ever here with us and always abroad.
sometimes i wonder how strong i can be..
i feel so suicidal sometimes... im so tired..6 depressions in all...11 years in all...
Last night i cried non-stop..looked like a total wreck this morning
no amount of blusher "painted" on my cheecks could light up my drained drained so very drained face..
im so sorry to my colleagues who have to stand in and handle my cases.
mommy...be strong for me please.
you can ...
pull through...
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Finally...
Yesterday i had an enjoyable evening with 2 of my friends at Dempsey's -Angelshare.
I was really happy to have my 2 friends seated together to chat about anything under the stars.
Found out that all of us had a blog..peeked at Yuhong's blog and her layout was really nice. Her style of writing was really different from what i deemed initially and my gawd..she sure is into her volkswagen beetles...the vintage one preferred : )
took a peek at Tianming's blog. **chuckle** interesting stuffs. I never knew he was a boiling pot of emotions! Very interesting and the best bit is i havent given my blog address to him..oh how unfair life is.. **snigger** im such an ass at times.
Finally my darling is coming back. I would be leaving home at abt 2:30 to pick him up from T1.
How am i going to head to work later? Freaking zombie i guess.
I have a pile of stuffs to clear first thing in the morning but on the brighter side, im on leave on Tuesday to spend some time with him.
Somehow, im gonna miss my mom alot
when felix is around, i spend most of my days with him and my mom and i have been so used to spending every waking day for the past 3 wks together since she recovered from depression together, i would really miss not even spending 1 day with her.
we would sleep together at night, have breakfast in the morning..gossip the whole day, do household chores together, walk the dog together... : (
i love my mommie...
love her to bits!
I was really happy to have my 2 friends seated together to chat about anything under the stars.
Found out that all of us had a blog..peeked at Yuhong's blog and her layout was really nice. Her style of writing was really different from what i deemed initially and my gawd..she sure is into her volkswagen beetles...the vintage one preferred : )
took a peek at Tianming's blog. **chuckle** interesting stuffs. I never knew he was a boiling pot of emotions! Very interesting and the best bit is i havent given my blog address to him..oh how unfair life is.. **snigger** im such an ass at times.
Finally my darling is coming back. I would be leaving home at abt 2:30 to pick him up from T1.
How am i going to head to work later? Freaking zombie i guess.
I have a pile of stuffs to clear first thing in the morning but on the brighter side, im on leave on Tuesday to spend some time with him.
Somehow, im gonna miss my mom alot
when felix is around, i spend most of my days with him and my mom and i have been so used to spending every waking day for the past 3 wks together since she recovered from depression together, i would really miss not even spending 1 day with her.
we would sleep together at night, have breakfast in the morning..gossip the whole day, do household chores together, walk the dog together... : (
i love my mommie...
love her to bits!
Monday, April 28, 2008
Scrap book
to think that i planned so much in surprising him with a scrap book that i made for our 1 yr together...
he has never done something so poignant like this...
he has done so much for his exes
i dont want to be treated the way i was treated before..
i wont allow it to happen to me again
he has never done something so poignant like this...
he has done so much for his exes
i dont want to be treated the way i was treated before..
i wont allow it to happen to me again
28 April 2008
its exactly a year since i started my relationship. Today is our 1 year anniversary and he is currently in Taiwan on his reservist training.
I wished him this morning...and he did too...
after that, not a call...till now.. its 9:08 pm. i told him this afternoon and even in my sms to him earlier that i missed him and i hope to hear from him soon.
nothing...
maybe i shldnt be frowning so hard upon myself and making myself feel so bad..
somehow this has numb my feelings earlier.
no doubt his busy planning and whatever...
but it wasnt hard at all to have short 1 min conversation like we had for the past 1.5 wks.
at least i realised how lil' significance this day is to him.
now i know why im always the one wishing him all these mths..and never once he wished me first
no doubt to many this is a minor petty thing and the way im feeling right now is probably overly exagerated.
but! seriously its the little things that count..
the little thoughts.
i never been a difficult person to have in a relationship..
i wonder if im going to end up hurt
so many horror stories around me involving my friends being hurt by their husbands, bf..why are men all like that?
im nt sure if im going to pick up his phone later...
im so disappointed.
I wished him this morning...and he did too...
after that, not a call...till now.. its 9:08 pm. i told him this afternoon and even in my sms to him earlier that i missed him and i hope to hear from him soon.
nothing...
maybe i shldnt be frowning so hard upon myself and making myself feel so bad..
somehow this has numb my feelings earlier.
no doubt his busy planning and whatever...
but it wasnt hard at all to have short 1 min conversation like we had for the past 1.5 wks.
at least i realised how lil' significance this day is to him.
now i know why im always the one wishing him all these mths..and never once he wished me first
no doubt to many this is a minor petty thing and the way im feeling right now is probably overly exagerated.
but! seriously its the little things that count..
the little thoughts.
i never been a difficult person to have in a relationship..
i wonder if im going to end up hurt
so many horror stories around me involving my friends being hurt by their husbands, bf..why are men all like that?
im nt sure if im going to pick up his phone later...
im so disappointed.
Monday, March 24, 2008
On a Lazy Monday AfternOOn
On leave today - 1/2 day afternoon off..took a cab home and bought some economic rice for lunch. Its been such a good restful weekend commencing on easter holiday and i had such a short MONDAY...had a meeting for an hour and another hour of meeting for the teambuilding session which im helping to prepare for this saturday. Did a couple of cars and Voila!! its time to go home.
I have been cycling very often lately. Its really exciting and i look forward to it everyweekend. everytime the terrain is just different cos of the weather and each time u'll also perform differently.
On fri, i accompanied by bf with 10 of his other colleagues to go cycling from east coast to tampines av 9's trail. It was a total of 40km covered both ways and i had such a burnt and many freckles are popping out all over the place! i have 2 where cindy crawford's mole is...shit!
freckles are like tattoos..pretty permanent..yikes...must buy good expensive sunblock.
On Saturday, i went to Tampines TRail again..with Sandra. She's having a hard time coping with a breakup but hey! no one said breaking up was easy stuffs..i got a book to lend her which help me tide my pain from my past breakup...titled:
ITS CALLED A BREAKUP BECAUSED ITS ALREADY BROKEN by Greg Behrendt & Amira Ruotola-Behrendt
I myself had a lil' episode with Felix. I had a tear..while cycling and believe me..it hurts like hell and that no words can describe that excruciating pain and i was straddling my lil' bits cupping them with my hands..ouch and he just said " what happened...no blood? and cycled off" i was so mad cos its nt the first time that he didnt stop too care. i didnt expect any mothering but perhaps maybe just see and check if i was okay. oh well..i blasted at him and made him see day lights and things have been better since.
well, he spitted it out
he was complacent and started to take me for granted.. it was just this issue...
he's going to taiwan for reservist ..3 weeks without him..never been away from him for more than 2 days...i have been seeing him almost everyday..
we're not sticky..we're just too comfortable with each other till its like 2nd skin.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Just another day.
Work was extremely busy today for me and so was yesterday actually. The whole team was down and we're shorthanded. My work is strewn all over the place and im not sure if i have left anything out. I NEED TO GET ORGANISED! Today Felix came by to walk with me @ Suntec but i wasnt in a mood to shop for my chinese new year clothes. Even a smile took me so much effort and my heart was heavy. Maybe its my hormones acting up again. Oh well..i was quite a pooper..i apologised to felix.Sometimes i feel like im such a boring person..AGHHHHHH! **SORRY...i just needed to let out some steam and sSsssSSSRREEAAAAMMMM****
: ( dont feel any better...
: ( dont feel any better...
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Krabi
Oh yes. i just returned from Krabi not too long ago.
My group of friends and i went to Krabi and stayed at Ao Nang - Kalene Villa.
The villa was beautiful. We had 6 rooms in all, with a private pool and beautiful view to boot.
I will be fine...just give me time...
Lately, i have been having one too many frequent dreams and they are all revolving around the same theme and that is: Abandonment. Everynight im having the same dreams and every morning i awake, feeling upset and tired. I wonder if what my life experiences so far with my family and my ex had left me feeling vulnerable and forlorn. Im so tired...Im so tired of having this paranoia which engulfs me. I just want to be really confident in this relationship that i have and place my confidence in Felix that he would take care and love me without the slightest doubt. Im fighting my inner demons and i wish that i could tell him and i wish that he would comfort me. Tom would be our 9 months together and things have been going well. I never had a heated arguement with him. We never really had those trivial pickings on one another. We always apologise if things went unfairly wrong. In a nutshell, he is my perfect someone.
Cannonball by Damien Rice
Cannonball LyricsArtist(Band):Damien Rice
there’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it’s still a little hard to say what's going on
there’s still a little bit of your ghost your witness
there’s still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each daythat I can´t say what´s going on
stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life, it taught me to die
so it's not hard to fallwhen you float like a cannonball
there’s still a little bit of your song in my ear
there’s still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that I can´t see what´s going on
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so its not hard to fallwhen you float like a cannon..
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to cry
so come on courage, teach me to be shy'
cos its not hard to fall,
and I don't want to scare her
its not hard to fall
and i don't want to lose
its not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know
there’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
there’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
it’s still a little hard to say what's going on
there’s still a little bit of your ghost your witness
there’s still a little bit of your face i haven't kissed
you step a little closer each daythat I can´t say what´s going on
stones taught me to fly
love, it taught me to lie
life, it taught me to die
so it's not hard to fallwhen you float like a cannonball
there’s still a little bit of your song in my ear
there’s still a little bit of your words i long to hear
you step a little closer to me
so close that I can´t see what´s going on
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to lie
life taught me to die
so its not hard to fallwhen you float like a cannon..
stones taught me to fly
love taught me to cry
so come on courage, teach me to be shy'
cos its not hard to fall,
and I don't want to scare her
its not hard to fall
and i don't want to lose
its not hard to grow
when you know that you just don't know
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